Chapter X~ Sitting with my elders

 I'm at a really pivotal point now where my mindset and perspectives are shifting. More and more I crave peace yet I am breaking out of a cycle of creating chaos for myself. There's a lot I have not been taught properly; how to take accountability, how to honestly be independent within myself, hell how to budget. It seems as if the information I have learned up until this point is come se dice pointless. 

Yet the beautiful thing about learning all of these this year is that the Most High gave me individuals in my corner who are able to guide me. I felt alone for a while after my father passed ( we'll revisit that subject in a later chapter ), and I cocooned myself off for a really long time. Afraid to honestly get connected to anyone; afraid to be vulnerable and truly be myself. 

To be frank I am restarting from ground zero in a sense. I reteaching myself discipline, community, kindness, honesty, vulnerability, and confidence I honestly could continue to go on. Whilst I have a sturdy foundation in these principles the way I have been executing them has not been sustainable. This year in general was the year of learning sustainability. That of myself and my fortitude and my virtues. 

I had to figure out and define peace for myself, I had to sit and plan out exactly what I wanted and figure out how to get there. I was given the chance to think and operate for myself as an individual and I ran away from it... I ran away from myself. And whenever I ran thankfully enough I never ran too far from God and my elders. I always had a way to win I just had to stop fighting against myself. 

I revise this message often to not only show gratitude to the older women in my life who give me so much wisdom but also for the pure fact that they nurture this soul. That they see the beauty within me and help to bring it out. I am thankful to have that community that allows me to find my way in this world. 

It truly is crucial as young women we surround ourselves with those souls. I was blessed to be given them through the bond of family as well as the women who have come into my life and taken care of me no questions asked. 

This new beginning is purely personal and peaceful. It showcases the true becoming of a butterfly and the beautiful community it took to aid in her growth. 

Sincerely, 

M.K